| I still think it's asking for trouble. |
[14 Jan 2007|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
There's a reason my sister doesn't have a ton of friends. And from what I've seen of Danny, I don't see him being any different than the usual. She just puts people off. No matter who they are. She puts people off, she picks fights, she does these weird little things that scare other kids her age...
It's just... I don't know. I know I could have more faith in her and how she is than I do, I guess. She's supposed to actually try this time. I've talked to her about it enough. You drill things into her head when she's not on a sugar high, she'll pay attention, and she'll usually understand.
She's not slow or anything she just doesn't care about whatever it is long enough to do what she's told. Normally, I deal with that.
Today, even with all that's happened with me and Carly since we first talking about it, I still need her to try for once. I mean, come on, he's a freakin' nice ten year old kid. Even if he wasn't my girlfriend's nephew, I still would want her to give it a shot. If they actually like each other, she could wind up having someone to hang out with besides the couple of kids she hangs with now.
And, of course, me. But I don't count. I'm the brother. I can take her places and do stuff with her, but it's not the same.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"He's not stupid, is he?"
I never actually know how Arianna means 'stupid' when she says it. I'll guess she's asking if he's the type who makes fun of girls. Maybe. "... No, he's not stupid. He's smart, and he's nice. So be nice to him." I can't say it enough. I really can't.
"Okay."
"Thank you." I took her hand, crossing the street to Carly's. "He might not like the same stuff as you, so respect that, alright?" In fact, I know he doesn't. And also, I know she's sure as hell not going to respect it. But she might bite her tongue for a few comments. I'll take what I can get.
"Okay, okay! I won't be mean, I won't say bad stuff, I won't beat him up if he says anything mean, I won't do anything bad. I promise."
"Well as long as you promise." I laughed a little at the face I was getting, and picked her up, putting her under one arm and carrying her the rest of the way to Carly's. And I ignored the screaming and kicking. She gets a little bigger, I'm not going to be able to do this anymore, and I know she will soon.
So I'm just having fun with it now while I still can. I don't think that's a bad thing. In fact, I think that's part of my obligations as her brother.
"Sam! Stop being stupid and put me down!"
"I will in a minute."
"Nooo, now!"
"Say please."
"Please!"
"Okay, in a minute." I don't know why it's funny, I swear to God I don't, but it is. Everytime I do it. I walked up the front steps to Carly's, balancing Arianna so I didn't drop her thanks to all the kicking, and rang the doorbell.
"Put me down!"
And the door opened. Okay, now that I've embarassed her by getting her busted like this, I can put her down.
I set her down next to me carefully, even though she was still kicking so it was a little hard. But I dropped her once, and she didn't talk to me for days, so I try to avoid it.
"I don't like you."
"I know." I grinned, and smiled at Carly. "Hey, ready to go?"
I can endure ten year old glaring. I have for years. So she can go as long as she likes, it doesn't bother me at all. It's that silent treatment thing I have a problem with. Once she gets started on that, she's set. She won't even talk when she wants something. Or do anything to tell me that.
Christ, that was such a bad day.
"Arianna, say hi, huh?"
"... Hi."
|
|
| The first morning after, ever. |
[04 Oct 2006|07:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
I'm still tired.
This is a step up from how exhausted I was a few hours ago, but I wouldn't mind a few more hours. The problem is, its already twelve thirty. Our friends have probably tried contacting us a few times by now. Whether they know what happened, or they think they know what happened, or they don't even want to guess about what happened, they're going to want some kind of answer as to where we are.
And I'll be more than happy to give them one. Eventually.
I'm not worried about school. I called in around nine to tell them that we were sick. Separately. Aunt Betsey even made a comeback. Then I showered, threw my pajamas back on, and ended up falling back asleep until now. Sam's probably going to think its weird when he wakes up and sees that I got dressed, but I can't help it. I'm comfortable with him, but not necessarily with sleeping without my clothes on all morning. I like my pajamas, and I don't want to overdo it on this whole...whatever this thing is. I've heard a lot of stories about how bad this could turn out. It hasn't been anything but good so far, I don't want to ruin it at the last second.
I'm not sure I could, but I know I'm not going to test that.
What I am going to do is stay here until Sam wakes up. We have the place to ourselves today, so I don't have to rush around and try to get things done. If I want to lay around, I can lay around. I think he might assume the worst if I jumped out of bed and started getting breakfast ready anyway. He's already going to see that I got up and put clothes on, and we're not exactly in the same place we were last night. I don't want him to get the wrong idea when he should be getting the right one.
The right one being that I'm okay, and this is nice.
I think we ended up waiting just long enough to have sex. We didn't rush into it like everyone else, and that's good, because now I'm wondering why everyone else rushes into it. The obvious aside...that's not something you should just do with anyone.
...He's starting to move.
I hope this doesn't get weird. We've been doing good so far, it would suck if we messed up this part of it.
|
|
| She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman I had ever seen... |
[03 Sep 2006|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relaxed |
] |
I wish my parents would go away more often.
The last minute trip to Miami is working out nicely for me and Sam. He's going to stay here all night, he's been here all day, and I think I'm going to get to steal him away from Madsen after school tomorrow too. Its great. It would be greater if it wasn't a school night, but I'm getting better at waking him up in the morning. All it takes is a little practice.
Some pillows on the floor help too. That way he doesn't hurt himself when I shove him off of the bed. He still tries to go back to sleep once he gets comfortable on the pillows, but I'm on top of him by then. Sam has to give up once I start that. I know too many of his weaknesses for him to get away with nodding off again.
But that's for morning. Right now we should go upstairs and get in bed. He'll be harder to wake up if he doesn't get enough rest, and my first period english class is boring enough to put me to sleep if I walk in there on less than eight hours.
Its too bad that I'm not tired.
...Maybe Sam and I can make out for a while before we go to bed. Its not that late, and usually that gets me nice and relaxed...
Or maybe we should just go to sleep.
"Sam." I mumbled, looking up at him and then leaning in him for a kiss. A good kiss. "We should go to bed." I hit the power button on the remote, threw it on the other end of the couch, and sighed. I really don't feel like going to sleep. Its been too good a day to end it so early. Tomorrow might not be as good, and I'm comfortable where I am. Really comfortable.
But all good things must come to an end, right?
"Come on."
I got up, stretching a little while I waited for Sam to come with me, and held his hand while we walked up to my room. I think we're getting better with covering thngs up in school, it just makes sense that I can compensate for it while I'm home. Besides, its not like my parents are home to see me walking the halls holding on to my boyfriend. If they were, I wouldn't do it.
I closed the door behind us once we were in my room, and headed into the bathroom to put on the pajama set that I'd pulled out for the night. Its pink. I like it because it stands out a little against the white that's all over my bed, and Sam doesn't mind it either.
By the time I'd finished changing, brushed my hair and teeth, washed my face, and came back out, Sam looked like he was set for bed too. He's probably just as "tired" as I am, but he's not the one who has to wake him up tomorrow, now is he?
I sat down on my side of the bed, feeling tempted to start something like I always do. I can't help it. I'm always tempted, and it always gets the better of me. It comes from me having a boyfriend who I love. My age probably has a little something to do with it, but not much. Most of the temptation comes from Sam. I've never been like this with other guys.
"Are you as awake as I am?"
I'll let his answer determine whether I'm getting under the covers and going to sleep, or having a little fun.
Hopefully he'll reply in favor of the fun, but we'll see.
|
|
| She doesn't entirely hate me yet. |
[09 Jun 2006|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
In fact, I think I'm one of the few people who Gina can stand.
Which would explain why I'm here, at her house, while Daphne is off complaining to Noelle about my latest unholy alliance. Apparently, I seem to be determined to hang out in all of the wrong crowds.
Whatever.
The way they all talk about Gina, you'd think she's the AntiChrist. And as much as that probably amuses her, she's really not. She's just someone extremely bitchy who has a bad relationship with her father and a disturbingly clean house. There's nothing all that AntiChristian about her.
Except mayber her attitude, and for some reason, that's growing on me.
"You know." I curled up in a chair, hugging a pillow just to have something to do with my hands. "Your house is as organized as mine."
If there's one thing that I've learned, its that a clean house isn't all you'd think it is. People who fight for that much order in their life rarely get it anywhere else. They just set it up that way so that things look perfect. Like my parents, for example. They're obsessed with having the perfect family, and everything about our house is supposed to create that impression. Yet they haven't spoken to Grace in a decade unless it was absolutely necessary, and they only bother with checking up on me about once a week.
That's not a family, that's a cast ensemble.
"And knowing what that means, I just have to ask. Don't you ever feel like really screwing up the place?"
There's not as much white here as there is in my house, but I think Gina knows what I mean. She's living it too. The nice little illusion complete with a color-coordinated living room and a shiny kitchen.
I'd just like to know if she wants to take a spray can to the walls as much as I do. That's all.
Because looking at this place, I can't see how she'd want to do anything else.
|
|
| Store run. |
[25 May 2006|12:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
surprised |
] |
"What do you want?"
I walked backwards while I went down the aisle for the chips and other snack stuff, since Carly was headed for the soda. Might as well make it a short trip. We're supposed to be picking up snacks to eat after making out watch movies with at her house, before I have to go meet up with Madsen and Nick, and she has to get sucked into something with Miss Hairspray.
We've got until tonight, but I still don't feel like wasting any time. Just because our friends can't mix because they'd kill each other, doesn't mean we're not allowed to have time to ourselves. Screw it if they don't like it.
And I already talked to Arianna about meeting Danny. Which got me a lot of questions about why she had to go, why I wanted her to watch what she says, and why she has to try to get along with him at all. I told her it'd be nice if she ended up being friends with this kid, and it would. She doesn't have many to begin with.
After that, she sort of whatevered at it, shrugged, and it was pretty much left at that. When I took her home, I made her swear she'd try to be as nice as she could, and she said she'd try.
I'm wondering how long that's going to hold.
"Get something with extra sugar, alright?" I motioned over at the soda to Carly, and then turned just in time to nearly collide with someone as I went around the corner.
"I'm so sorry."
"No, don't worry about it, it was my fault."
"It's mine, I wasn't watching where I was--..." Oh damn it. What's she doing here? I've gone months without running into either of them, and I was hoping it'd stay that way for as long as possible.
"Sam?"
And she looks just as surprised to see me. Like she's been thrown out of a daydream, and she's running into someone she met years ago. That's not shocking, and it's definitely not a first for her, but it bothers me more than I'd like to admit.
"... Hi Mom."
I need to get out of here.
|
|
| Its Sam's turn to meet my sister. |
[01 Apr 2006|07:13pm] |
I didn't get any say in this after I told Grace that I was in love with him.
She says this is a big deal now, and I think I can see her point. Nothing changed with me and Sam after we told each other and freaked out at the amusement park, but we still exchanged some pretty important words. It strengthened what was already there, and now we're...yeah. We're in love. Mutually.
Its okay that its still a little terrifying, right?
We both put ourselves out on the line with this. Now, if anything goes wrong, it'll be happening between me and the guy who I'm in love with. That's a lot more serious than it just happening between me and a boyfriend.
Not that I expect anything to go wrong. We're fine. Sam and I found a lot before we started dating, but we've been doing pretty good ever since. I don't think we have anything to worry about with that. My parents are the biggest threat to us right now, and all they'll be able to do if they find out is ground me. Big deal. They're never home to know whether or not I'm listening to them anyway.
At least, when the time comes for them to find out, we'll have Grace in our corner. She's going to like him.
Hopefully, he'll like her too. Sam's being pretty good about me asking him to come meet her. I had a hard time asking him about it because I didn't want to freak him out more than I already did with the 'I love you', but I used her telling me to bring hom over as an excuse, and it seemed to work. I also made it clear that she already likes him based on what I've said to her alone. I don't want him to feel like he has anything to prove to Grace when he doesn't. She knows that he makes me happy and treats me well, and that's enough for her.
Here we are.
"This one." I stopped in front of my sister's house and smiled over at Sam, giving him a quick kiss before we went up. Then I knocked on the door and waited.
This is going to be fine.
I hope.
|
|
| He's so totally late. |
[01 Apr 2006|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
Dude. Sammy was totally supposed to be back from the amusement park ages ago. We've got shit to do, and he so knew about that. There's parties to hit before the night is up, and he totally promised he'd be here. "Dude, I don't know where he is." I told Johnny. "If he's not here in ten, I'll head to your place and he'll meet up."
"Alright, whatever Madsen. I'll see you when you get here."
"Later." I hung up, and then went downstairs to wait for Sammy. Ten minutes later, he still hadn't showed. "Mom, I'm going!" I yelled down the hallway.
"Call me if you're not coming home, Michael!"
"Yeah, sure, whatever." I went out the door, and then saw Sammy coming down the street. "Dude, talk about timing." ... That's the grin. That grin totally hasn't been there since he ended up getting official with The Snowflake. Something happened. "Sammy?"
"Yeah. Sorry I'm late."
"Dude, whatever. What's with the look again?"
"Nothing, it's just been a really good day."
That looks like a total understatement.
( Sammy, you so don't wear that look unless...Collapse )
|
|
| I better win this. |
[24 Mar 2006|04:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hyper |
] |
Come on, you stupid thing, go faster so I can win... There it is!
I win! I win I win I win!
"Winner! And what would you like for a prize, little girl?"
I hate it when people call me 'little girl', but I don't care, because I still won. And I know exactly what I want. "That!" I reached up as high as I could, and pointed to the tiara that I wanted. "I want that, please." It's pretty and shiny and I want it.
"There you go. Enjoy."
"Thank you." I took the tiara, and got down off the seat I'd been sitting on to play that water gun game thing, and then put it on. "And now, I am a princess."
This has been fun. Even though I keep watching Sam and Carly give each other these weird looks all the time, and there's the kissing, which is gross to watch all the time. It's not the kissing, it's my brother.
But I'm gonna get used to it for him, because it makes him happy. He smiles more, so I like it. And he told me again about how I can't tell Mommy and Daddy about me being here today, and if I got anything, I'd have to hide it for a little while.
I told him that it was dumb because I think Mommy already knows anyway, because every time I go out I keep telling her it's with a friend from school, but she's never met them. And I think she knows that Sam wouldn't just leave me alone even though he can't be home anymore. Or maybe she doesn't know. I just think she does.
And then he told me to just keep it quiet anyway. I think he doesn't want Daddy to find out. And that's okay, I don't want him to find out either.
"Uh huh. What do you want to do next, princess?"
"Rollercoaster." I grabbed Sam's hand and pulled him to the line, 'cause I knew Carly would just follow us. "Come on, come on!" I think I'm big enough for this one. I'm not that short anymore. I think I'm almost at another growth spurt.
I'm still shorter than the big kids, but they're all older than me, so it's okay.
|
|
|
[24 Mar 2006|01:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
I can't believe I'm even thinking about this.
No, I can. Sort of. After this weekend, it makes sense, right? It makes perfect sense. This isn't pressuring Carly into anything, she doesn't even have to know about it. And I don't think I'd know how to explain it to her, so actually, it's better I just don't tell her until the need comes up. This is like planning ahead. For what might happen eventually.
This isn't a bad thing. This is more of a neutral thing. It can't be bad or good until something actually happens. Or something like that. Yeah.
So with that out of the way, now that I have it perfectly freakin' justified in my head about why I'm doing this, I'd like one question answered:
Why the hell are there so many?
I felt like an idiot as I eyed the boxes of condoms in the drug store. Madsen and I had decided to skip today and go do whatever. And then halfway to the skate park to go pick up a new bag of weed for him and Johnny to have fun with later, Madsen decides he wants to make a snack run. So while he did that, I ended up wandering through the store, wondering if Ryan screwed up giving Carly that note saying I wasn't going to be around today. I can rely on him faster than I could Nick or Johnny, so I think he did it. Nothing huge.
And while I was thinking about that, somehow, I ended up here.
Why am I doing this again?
( Dude, what're you doing?Collapse )
|
|
| I'm wide awake, its morning. |
[22 Mar 2006|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mischievous |
] |
Ten thirty to be exact.
I woke up about an hour ago, but I figured that Sam wouldn't want to be dragged out of bed that early. I killed time with a shower, put some clothes on, and helped Marie with breakfast a little. But now, its time for Sam to wake up. The pancakes are done, and I really don't have anything better to do than try to get him moving.
"Sam." I know what he said, but I'm going to try just talking him up first. If that doesn't work, I'll move on to something a little more forceful. "Sam!"
I sat down on the bed and shook him gently, then leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Sam, wake up!"
Nothing.
I thought about it for a minute, and went over a list of possible 'nice' things to do to him. Kissing, biting, sucking--not that kind of sucking, tackling...
Well, I think I'm back to kissing.
I could just roll him off of the bed, but I think that would be mean, and I don't want to be like that to him. Especially not right now. He looks cute when he's asleep. I mean, he always looks cute, but this is a different kind of cute. A sleeping in my bed kind. I like it a lot. We should keep this up.
...And he should be awake now.
"Sam..." I sighed, gave up, and decided to go for the nice method with a combination of things. I climbed on top of him and started kissing, biting, and touching, with just a hint of clawing the way I did last night.
Come on hot stuff, I'm running out of ideas here.
|
|
|
[18 Mar 2006|01:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 embarrassed |
] |
Now, I know it's bad, but when she pitched me the idea, the first thing I thought of was the sex scene in Cocktail that we just witnessed not too long ago. That was just the first thought in my head. And since I've been sugar high for a while now, I thought that was funny. Because we're taking it slow. And even still, this isn't Jamaica. And I'm not a bartender. And all that.
So that's out.
But I still sort of hesitated on it, right up until the point Carly started pouting at me, and talking about how she didn't want to be all by herself in such a big house. And I cracked.
I sighed as I picked up the phone, and called Madsen's place, hoping one of his parents would pick up. I don't want to explain this to Erin, and I sure as hell don't want to have to explain it to Madsen. If one of his parents picks up, this'll be quick, and I'll deal with all the jokes they're bound to crack over this when I go back.
( Ring ring...Collapse )
I'm just weird.
I walked upstairs and headed for Carly's room, wondering how this was going to be. She doesn't even know how bad I am in the morning when it comes to getting up. Even if I tell her, I don't think she'll buy that I pretty much don't move. Or move that much.
Madsen had to invent his own method of waking me up over the years, otherwise I'd probably sleep in every day. And when I was still at home, and Arianna got big enough, she found her own ways of making it work too. Before that, I was just yelled at. And that always got me moving, everytime, because it was always loud as hell and impossible to sleep through if I tried. And I tried.
So it'll be fun to see what Carly does.
I opened her door once I got to her room, and looked in. "Hey. All set." I came in, shutting the door behind me, and kept trying to ignore what this felt like. It's not that. "She was fine with it." I'll be facing jokes from all four of them for at least two weeks.
"You should probably know, when I sleep, I kinda... Sleep." I can't vocalize it well, or whatever. "I'm not a morning guy." She'll be a morning person. I know it. That'll make it twice as fun if she tries to wake me up whenever she gets up.
"So, yeah, fair warning."
There. I warned. And in the morning, she'll get to see it first hand.
|
|
| Its a good day. |
[16 Mar 2006|02:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
Really, its a good weekend. I did all of my homework yesterday so that I wouldn't have anything to do today or tomorrow because I plan to spend as much time with Sam as possible while my parents are away. My father had to meet with some big corporate client in Amsterdam, and it looked better for him if he had his wife with him for all of the social functions, so Mom went too. She explained the whole thing to me about an hour before they left for the airport. All I was interested in was when they were leaving and when they're getting back.
Friday morning and Monday morning. I have it covered.
I get the whole house to myself while they're gone, and the only person they left on staff was Marie, because she's my favorite. Well, I think it was because she can cook and they didn't want me to set the house on fire, but also because she's my favorite. Her and John, and he tries to get as many weekends off as he's offered because he likes to spend time with his own family. Its all fine with me. I get to spend time with Sam without my parents catching on.
I don't think they'd be very happy if they knew about him. They expect me to pay attention to school, extracurricular activities, and nothing else. Mom and Dad wouldn't like me having a boyfriend. I'd get accused of turning into Grace or something, even though its nothing like that. Sam and I are taking it slow. My parents wouldn't believe me once they knew he existed, but we are.
Their opinion wouldn't change mine, but I still think its better for us to keep this a secret from them for as long as possible. I've gotten the word of the staff that none of them are going to say anything, and I've kept from having people like Daphne over so that she couldn't slip and mention Sam while my mother is in the room or something. We're keeping it quiet around here, just like it needs it be.
Except for this weekend. This weekend, we don't have to worry about a thing.In honor of that, Marie taught me how to make chocolate chip cookies. She thought it would be nice for me to bake them Sam.
She's one of those people who still believes that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and she told me that before we got started. I think that if Sam really likes me I could find a way to his heart without baking him cookies, but I wanted to do this. I think he'll like them. And if he doesn't, its no great loss. I just won't do it again.
And then I'll ask Marie what other recipes I could try out. He has to like something.
Maybe he'll like these. I guess I'll find out when he gets here. I'm just proud that I baked something without setting the kitchen on fire.
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2006|11:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mischievous |
] |
I've actually got everything for once.
How pissed off I was thanks to Daphne's comments this morning over what would happen to me if I screwed this up, and how nervous I was about getting up in front of the class, was covered in three minutes before class with Carly. I think she just knew, because I didn't say a thing. No matter what, I just am completely okay with dealing with this now.
We should help each other out every time there's a project that involves a presentation from here on out. I think it'll help us get a good grade. Beneficial to the learning experience, and blah blah blah. As long as Rosenthal doesn't bust us in the hallway, we're fine. Knowing him, he'd choose spaz twice as bad because not only is it two kids doing PDA in his hallways, it's one of his 'favorite' students committing the 'offense'.
I've seen Madsen and Johnny bagged and handed dententions enough times to know that we better damn well keep out of the way. And if it's going to be out in the open, it has to be short. I don't like the idea of having to worry about the guy, I'm not afraid of him. I stopped being afraid of him six months into freshman year. I just don't want Carly ending up with detentions over this. So we'll watch it.
I sat in my seat, not paying attention to Carmichael babbling on about something to pre empt the whole presentations thing, and leaned over to Madsen. "So you have everything, right?" The night before, they all got pretty messed up, so I'm hoping he didn't forget. I reminded him a grand total of nine times this morning, but he was still hungover, so I don't think he was paying attention.
"Yeah dude, it's cool."
"... You're sure?" I'm only bugging him about it because I don't want to have to hold Carly back all over again if he forgot. I can only stop so much.
"Dude. Seriously."
"Alright, alright, relax. I'm just being sure." I got the folder out of my bag, and then glanced all the papers, then heard my name called. And then I realized it'd been called more than once. Oh crap. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for joining us, Mr. Howell. You and Miss Madison are up first."
"Oh. Yeah. Thanks." I sighed and grabbed the folder, walking up to the front of the class.
And that's when I noticed it. Just because one of the papers slipped out from the rest, and before I slipped it back, I realized something was very very wrong.
This isn't mine. This is supposed to be with Madsen. This is not supposed to freakin' be with me right now. Shit, I'm in trouble. I don't even know how much of this is mixed up! What the hell am I supposed to do, make it up?!
I'm going to have to make it up.
Fine. That's what I'll do.
"Daphne and I got married on March 18th of nineteen sixty nine. I worked as a photographer. She was a stay at home wife. And we got divorced six months later."
I like this one better.
|
|
| And the number one reason to kill your best friend is.... |
[05 Feb 2006|04:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
"Carly, you know I would totally be more than happy to help you if I didn't think Sam Howell was really really really bad for you."
Three reallys? How the hell am I supposed to turn around three reallys? For Daphne that's almost as serious as it gets. Its practically the way she would talk if she thought someone was going to embarrass her publically.
"This isn't about Sam. Its about Madsen. You know I can't work with him."
"Maybe if you weren't all over Sam in the hallway, you'd be able to work with Madsen better."
This is insane. I'm being judged because of my boyfriend. Someone who is supposed to be my friend is attempting to punish me because she doesn't like him. She doesn't have any reason to not like him either. She has nothing!
And I resent what she's saying about being all over Sam in the hallway. We kiss. We haven't done anything other than kiss. Sure, we kiss a lot, but that's all we do.
The way she's saying it, we just go at it in front of everyone.
"I don't want to work with Madsen better!"
"Then you're screwed, Carly. I don't know what else to tell you."
"Tell me that you'll switch!"
"No way."
---
I hate Daphne. I wish something bad would happen to her. Like maybe she'd suddenly lose her voice and not be able to tryout for the next musical. Or if she does try out, maybe she'll humiliate herself in front of everyone. I know its wrong to hope for those kinds of things to happen to people, but she deserves it. She's making me work with Madsen when I could be working with Sam. And now she's going to be working with Sam, and that means she's going to try to flirt with him. Daphne will flirt with anyone whether she likes them or not, just for the attention. So if she thinks she's getting attention from him, everyone is going to think he's cheating on me, even if Sam isn't the type to do that.
At least, I don't think he's the type to do that.
And I don't think he'd ever do that with Daphne.
I sat down on the steps and took out my school agenda, figuring I'd write down my homework while I waited for Sam to show.
He's going to be as pissed off as I am, if not even more pissed.
I scribbled down all of my assignments and put the book back in my bag, taking out my copy of Ned Kelly to kill some more time. I'll be alright if I don't think about any of this too much. The more thought I put into it, the more angry I'm going to get.
I hate that bitch. She's marrying my boyfriend!
|
|
| The only thing good about this class is seeing Sam. |
[14 Jan 2006|01:00am] |
And when I say 'seeing' I mean the sixty seconds of kissing I get to steal when this class is over, before I have to head down to English class. Sam lets me do that now. In the hall. Which sounds a little scandalous, but everyone knows that we're going out. I like it a lot, especially because after this I don't see him until the end of the day. I know that's not a long period of time to go without seeing someone, and I'm not about to become one of those girls who only cares about her boyfriend and doesn't give a damn about anything else, but its nice to have a minute with him.
So in a few minutes, I'll have my minute, and it'll be good. Just as soon as Carmichael finishes handing out his latest assignment.
I took my copy from Joe and passed the rest of them back, and started reading over the paper. "Marriage by the Decade".
That sounds stupid.
"For this assignment, you're going to be paired up with a member of the opposite sex. The two of you will be given a decade which you are both expected to research in order to complete the assignment. You'll assume that you and your partner are a young couple who married during your time period, and attempt to work through seven scenarios which I have prepared, and respond to them the way you believe a couple from your time would. The written responses will be due next week, and I expect each team to have a presentation prepared within ten days. In your presentations you'll talk about your struggles as a couple and how you faced them. At the end of this assignment you'll be given two grades, one for your written responses, and one for your presentation, which will be determined by your peers."
...Okay. Now it sounds even more stupid. We're sixteen years old and he's telling us to go play house with someone else in the class. That doesn't work. A bunch of girls are probably going to end up pregnant over this, and he's going to get fired for starting it. And even if they didn't, this project is just dumb. It isn't going to teach us anything about what we'll have to face someday, and it doesn't matter what it was like back then, so we're not getting anything out of it. Plus, if you pick the wrong partner, this would suck.
I looked over at Sam and made eye contact, hoping he was thinking the same thing I was. If we have to do this stupid thing, we might as well do it together and try to make it fun. I can fake being married to him for a week. It wouldn't be too hard.
"And here is the list of partners..."
What?! No, that doesn't work. We should get to pick our own partners. There's no way in hell he expects us to work with random people over something like this, that's crazy. Mental hospital person crazy. We can't do that.
Wait. Wait wait wait. Maybe I'll still luck out. If he does this in alphabetical order--the way he does everything else--I'll get Sam. And Madsen will get Daphne, and it'll be perfect.
Crap, he just put Jenny with Matt, didn't he?
"Daphne, Sam, you're going to be married in the sixties..."
...Why would Mr. Carmichael do that? Sam is my boyfriend. Why would he put my boyfriend with Daphne? My boyfriend doesn't like Daphne. My boyfriend likes me. That's why he's my boyfriend. He can't work with Daphne, he'd kill her.
That's really shitty of him. Poor Sam. I don't think it could get much worse than that.
"Carly, Madsen, you're going to be married in the seventies..."
"What?!" I jumped up, heard the bell ring, and started over to his desk while a lot of the other students were walking out. "Mr. Carmichael, I...I don't think I can work with Madsen, the two of us don't get along...."
Now tell me its okay, you're going to cut into my Sam time.
"Neither did a lot of couples in the seventies. I'm sure you'll do just fine, Carly. I look forward to seeing your presentation."
I stood there for a minute, staring at him until he walked out the door, and looked over to see that Sam and Madsen were still there, getting ready to go.
And Sam looks a little green.
I went over to him and sighed, putting my arms around him to try and get him to look less disgusted.
"This sucks." I leaned in for a kiss, trying not to think about how hellish doing a project with Madsen was going to be. But Sam's in worse shape than I am. Daphne's actually going to want to participate. Madsen will just make me do it myself, but that's a lot better than having to partner with him on anything.
This is so screwed up.
|
|
| Alright, this is it. |
[11 Jan 2006|11:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
I try hard not to make a habit out of agreeing with Daphne.
She's really not the best judge of anything, but every once in a while, she has a point. Not often, because unlike her, I don't think its 'gross' to shop at a department store. And I'm not about to call a girl something mean because she happens to have a girlfriend. And I don't think what Nancy and R.J. did at the lake this weekend was any of my business. Its just that sometimes, she has a point.
Like what she's been saying about Sam. I don't think she's wrong. And I don't think that its my fault that I don't think she's wrong, either. I know he likes me. We went through that whole thing with our science project and got busted kissing by Daphne and Madsen because he likes me. Then there was the play. He showed up and he brought his sister. Those were signs. They had to be. They wouldn't have happened if Sam didn't like me.
I did my part, too. I kissed him back. I initiated like I knew I was supposed to. I made sure that Sam knew how happy I was that he went to the play. I gave Arianna my phone number in case she ever needed me. I have not treated him like a friend. I don't kiss friends!
So maybe he didn't 'make a whore' out of me the way Daphne is insisting Noah did to her. I didn't put out that much, but I thought we were getting somewhere. Of course, that meant that we were really getting nowhere, and it was cleverly disguised as somewhere. I just can't win with Sam.
Arianna has probably been telling him to make me his girlfriend too, so its hard for me to figure out what's holding him back.
Sam said he likes me. Unless he likes someone else better, we should be going out.
Does he like someone else better?
I'll kill him if he does.
"And then I asked him why he didn't want to come in and meet my parents after we had all that fun in the back of his car, and do you know what he told me?"
I don't think I want to.
"I'll be right back."
I stood, grabbed my lunch tray, headed for the nearest trash can, and tossed what was left of my lunch, leaving the tray on the shelf above it.
Maybe now isn't the best time to do this. There are a lot of people around, all of his friends are over there, and Madsen's probably going to ask me what the password is when I get within ten feet of their table, but I want some answers. I hate being a boy chasing psychobitch, but it gets results. And I'm at the point where I either want results or total closure, so this needs to be done.
I walked over to the table Sam was sitting at with the guys and sat on the end of it, turning to face Sam with a smile.
He looks confused.
Oh well. He can join the club.
"Hi. Sam."
I'm pretending the rest of them arent here. This is a two person conversation, and if someone happens to overhear, its not my fault. They aren't a part of this. They can't stop me from doing this. But if they think they can, I'd like to see them try. I think I could take one or two of them out before Rosenthall comes over to separate.
"I was just wondering. What are we?"
|
|
| Alright. I admit it. |
[16 Nov 2005|07:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
I know she likes me. I understand that completely. And when I kissed her? There was definitely something. And I've told her things I never really told anyone else, and it's not all over school yet. So I think things with Carly are pretty safe, and I'm really comfortable with that. I am.
But that play... drove me out... of my freakin' mind.
Just... I wasn't even interested in anything in it but her in the first place. Gina did pretty good, but I was there for Carly. I wanted to watch Carly. I don't like plays, so I'm going to notice things that regardless of being in the play, look more real than acting. And I'm going to notice them pretty fast.
I think Arianna spent most of the time trying to get why I was sitting there trying not to look pissed. She seemed to think it was pretty funny. She likes me not trying to get mad, the only time she gets upset is when I actually am mad. Which is one of the reasons why I don't do it, because it upsets her. I'm great like that.
But this was just too much. I mean... Was he supposed to have his hands all over her like that? Was it really in the script? Isn't there some school rule about that kind of crap? I really want to know this now.
I'm still going to keep my mouth shut, but still, I want to know. "Come on, we have to go meet Carly."
"Alright. Are you okay, Sam?"
"I'm fine."
"You look mad."
"I'm fine. Come on Ari, and shut up for a little bit, okay?"
"... You don't have to be so mean, Sam."
...
"I'm sorry." I sighed, getting up from my seat and starting out with the rest of the crowd. "Just come on, alright?" Just follow me. Stop asking questions. You ask way too many freakin' questions for a kid your age, and you need to stop. Please?
"Okay, okay."
I took her hand so I could keep track of her, and took her out to go stand where the actors were supposed to be coming out. I'm going to be the good guy, because it probably didn't actually mean anything. It's alright. No big thing.
But still.
Jesus.
|
|
|
[15 Sep 2005|09:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
This is weird.
I like getting out of the house, and away from Daddy for a little while. I like that because then I don't have to listen to any of the yelling, and then I don't have to watch Mom get that look that I don't like.
But Sam won't tell me where we're going, and I don't like that part.
I tugged on Sam's sleeve again. "Come on, tell me."
"No, Ari. We're almost there."
"Come on, Sam. I'm bored."
And then Sam glared at me, and I shut up. I don't like it when he glares, he looks like Daddy. Only a less mad version of Daddy. Daddy gets a lot more mad than Sam does. "It's not that long a walk Arianna, come on. We'll be there soon, okay?"
I then saw something I remembered from before. "Is this the same way to your school?"
"... Yes."
Ohhhh. We're going to his school... but Sam doesn't like school. That's why he used to get sent home all the time when he was still living at home. Now he goes to Madsen's when he gets in trouble.
This is weird.
"Why're we going to your school?"
"Because we are."
"Sam." I stopped walking and turned so I could look up at him. "I'm your sister, dummy. You can trust me."
"We're going to a play. Come on, let's go, don't make me carry you."
"Okay, okay, I'm going." I grumbled and started walking again. I decided not to talk anymore, since Sam's being a dummy and acting weird.
When we got into the school, Sam took me to the auditorium. He was looking for someone, but he wouldn't say who. I wonder what's going on.
This is so weird.
|
|
| Surveys are lame, let's spy on Sam and Carly. |
[29 Jul 2005|02:01am] |
This assignment is such a joke. Mr. Stello paired me with Michael
Madsen, I shouldn't be expected to get any work done. It's not like he's
willing to help me get these surveys filled out. And with him not doing
it, I have a perfect reason for not working on it either. I get stress
migraines when I work on large projects on my own. Responsibility is not
one of those things that I can handle without backup. I'll get a note
from my doctor. She completely understands how difficult highschool is
for someone like me. Best of all, she'll write me a note for anything.
There was this one time when I didn't feel like doing a paper on the
Civil War and Dr. Blake faxed them that I was recovering from
septoplasty surgery.
Stupid deviated septum. I talked weird for like a week, but while they
were working on my nose we had them correct a few things. When the
swelling went down, all of the pain and embarrassment I spent on my
vacation of healing in Jamaica was worth it. Thank god.
And I was prettier than those girls even with the bruised nose. Those boys were not giving me negative starey looks.
Eww, unlike the one I'm getting right now from Michael Madsen. Am I
supposed to be talking to him or something? Cause I don't want to.
Noelle knows I think he's totally satanic. She'd laugh in my face if
she saw me speaking to him at all, and then of course she'd tell the
others, and what they'd think of me I don't want to know.
I'm bored is all. And stopping people on the street and asking them to
fill things out about the environment is lame. I'm not going to do it,
and the only person around here to talk to is a disgusting stoner.
Carly is like less than a block away but I can't talk to her because
she actually does the work. I bet she's making nice with Sam Howell so
he gets their stuff collected for her. He's got it so bad for her, even
after she flipped out at him for being a fire freak at the game.
Why Carly goes for the losers, I do not know. I just figure it's cool
because there's a better selection of available guys for me to get
with.
I threw the clipboard in the trash and looked in the direction of the park.
I think Carly's a fake. She swears up and down that she doesn't like
Howell, but everyone knows they're hot for each other no matter how
much they fight. Heck, maybe it's partly because they fight. Carly's
Little Miss Argumentative, she's the type who would be into that kind
of thing, which I don't get at all. Why like a guy who isn't going to
worship you the way you deserve to be worshipped? I mean Sam Howell is
a total nothing, and he never even acts grateful when she acknowledges
him.
Although I have to admit, lately she hasn't been saying much of
anything about him at all. She just puts on that stupid sad look
whenever she thinks he won't notice. Risky much? Let's say he did look.
Then he'd realize that he's not going to get anyone better, and he'd
apologize. So then they'd make up and she'd be stuck with him.
Not to mention how upset Kyle would be if he lost the bet. I'd be happy
to console him as usual, but he has money on his chance with her. He
definitely wants her more than someone like Sam ever will.
Carly is so blind to the obvious it's sad.
I should spy on her. I could get Madsen to come with me, it would look
like we're trying to find more people to talk to about trees and shit.
He can't want his best friend with someone like Carly; they're not
supposed to aim that high with girls.
"Hey Madsen!" I waited until I had his attention before I said anything
else. He's messing with something in his pocket. I don't know what that
something is but as long as it doesn't explode I don't care.
"I think you'll agree with me when I say that Carly and Sam shouldn't
be working on their leaf thing together. He's not right for her, she's
too good for him, and there's a chance--a big chance-- that they'll
make up while they're alone together, and possibly have sex on a bench,
which would ruin any and all chances we have for our circles of friends
to stay separate the way they are now-- and are always intended to be."
Speaking to you, show a little interest here.
"We should go watch them, you know? We have to protect them from each
other, from themselves, from the social rejection that would inevitably
occur if they did get back together...it would be for their own good."
|
|
| But I don't want to work with him! |
[19 Jul 2005|03:34am] |
I hate science. I hate Stello. Most importantly, I hate Sam. Normally, these three issues wouldn't go together, but today someone must have really had it in for me, because I get all three at once. When Stello paired us off in alphabetical order, again, and put me with Sam, I wasn't all that worried. I haven't talked to him since the football game, and I don't plan on talking to him anymore. He's a jerk, just like his stupid friends. I thought that we would have a packet to do, I would fill it all in by myself, and everything would be fine.
Instead, we're off collected 'pieces of nature' commonly known as leaves, for some experiment on living things. I can't avoid him if we're supposed to leave the school and go down to the park, now can I?
This sucks.
I haven't said one word to Sam since we left school; I've been trying to stick to my plan. In my plan it's a lot easier to keep quiet than it is to mouth off at Sam. He'd start something, and I know we'd fight again.
But I can't help it that he's stupid. And it's not my fault that "G" and "H" are next to each other in the alphabet. And Stello is a real idiot for sticking to such a stupid system of pairing. I should have my father call the school and tell them that I want to go by Manners from now on, then I'll get to be with someone else.
Crap. No. That would put me with Madsen, wouldn't it?
How come I can't win?!
I picked up the first living leaf I saw and handed it to Sam, not saying anything. He can put it in the bag, and not speak to me.
I'm not thinking about the last time we were here.
I didn't hate him then.
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